What better way to start 2024 than with a political pop quiz? It is impossible to fail this one. There are 12 multiple choice questions, and you choose your favorite answer (or answers). It’s kind of like the honor system, and that’s what America is all about, right? Sharpen your pencils, silence your cell phones, and stay hydrated. Let’s get started.
1. President Joe Biden is:
- A) a senile old man who can barely get out of bed;
- B) a political mastermind who calls the shots in the investigations into his opponent;
- C) the brains behind our nation’s economic recovery; or
- D) looking forward to a nap.
2. Former president Donald Trump is:
- A) America’s only hope against evil;
- B) the only candidate with 91 felony charges;
- C) more popular than ever, even with 91 felony charges; or
- D) probably tweeting something using the words “witch hunt” at this very moment.
3. Colorado Rep. Lauren Boebert has made headlines after:
- A) feuding with Georgia Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene;
- B) groping her boyfriend while seated in the audience during a theater performance;
- C) reports of an animated argument with her ex-husband in a restaurant; or
- D) engaging in a lot of hands-on research.
4. Donald Trump’s 2023 Christmas message to Americans included this line:
- A) “Rot in hell”;
- B) “Peace on Earth, Good Will To Men”;
- C) “People can say Merry Christmas again, because I brought it back”; or
- D) “Know any good lawyers?”
5. Joe Biden’s most challenging task in 2024 will be:
- A) convincing people to vote for him;
- B) writing a memorable election night victory speech;
- C) keeping tabs on his son Hunter; or
- D) staying on his feet.
6. The House of Representatives has a long list of priorities. At the top of the list is:
- A) avoiding a government shutdown;
- B) trying not to oust yet another Speaker;
- C) finding a reason to impeach President Biden; or
- D) continuing to block actual legislation.
7. Taylor Swift will shock the world when she:
- A) endorses Joe Biden;
- B) endorses Donald Trump;
- C) runs for president; or
- D) performs at the National Cornbread Festival in South Pittsburg, Tennessee.
8. After losing the GOP presidential nomination, Ron DeSantis and Nikki Haley will:
- A) star in a new Fox network sitcom called, “He Said, She Said”;
- B) count down the days until the 2028 presidential election;
- C) forget all those nasty things they said about each other in the interest of party unity; or
- D) tour the country in a “Battle of the Sexes” pickleball tournament.
9. Now that he has withdrawn from the GOP presidential race, former New Jersey governor Chris Christie will:
- A) host “Saturday Night Live,”
- B) join the next president’s Cabinet;
- C) become a Democrat; or
- D) become the commercial spokesman for Jersey Mike Subs.
10. Donald Trump says he has already decided on his vice presidential candidate. His running mate will be:
- A) Tucker Carlson;
- B) the My Pillow guy;
- C) Elise Stefanik; or
- D) Mike Pence.
11. As gas prices continue to fall, the credit should go to:
- A) supply and demand;
- B) President Biden;
- C) kind, thoughtful oil companies, who want to give back to their customers; or
- D) generous, considerate oil producing nations, who want to share their wealth.
12. Former President Trump will continue to be criticized for what he was doing for 187 minutes on Jan. 6, 2021 as his supporters stormed the Capitol. Depending on who you believe, he was:
- A) approving of what took place while watching it on TV;
- B) trying to find a way to restore order;
- C) ignoring pleas from his children, his chief of staff, Fox personalities, and members of Congress to tell rioters to go home; or
- D) checking on the safety of Vice President Pence.
As promised, now that you have chosen what you believe to be the correct answers, you can award your own grades, and share the results with your friends. Who am I to judge? You’re either reading this in a newspaper or online, so you are well informed and capable of doing your own research. I know I can trust you.